


Liking (Not Loving) You

by howoodan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, How Do I Tag, M/M, Unrequited Love, i made ... an attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:00:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26343007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howoodan/pseuds/howoodan
Summary: Soonyoung's been hanging out at Jihoon's studio for a while now. This time, he thinks, might be the last.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Liking (Not Loving) You

**Author's Note:**

> UUUUHH hi. sorry this is really really short. i haven't written anything in y e a r s so excuse the awkward writing style.
> 
> this was inspired by a prompt on twitter:  
> "i like loving you, but i don't love you." 
> 
> i immediately thought of soonhoon when i read that so here you go!

"I like loving you."

Soonyoung blinks once, twice, then looks up. his eyes shift from the phone he's been staring at for hours, to the blinding darkness of the studio. He wants to squint a bit when his eyes started stinging from the drastic change, but he couldn't. Not when all of his attention focused on his loudly beating heart.

"What?" Soonyoung managed to choke out after a few seconds of silence, "Jihoon, what did you just say?"

The chair facing the computer screen in front of him suddenly turns around, showing Jihoon in all his 2 A.M. glory. But he doesn't reply.

"Jihoon?"

"I like loving you," he hears the younger boy softly whisper. For the second time that night, Soonyoung thinks he's just hearing things, "I like the idea of loving you, Soonyoung."

If the dancer thought his heart was already beating fast, then this time it feels like he just ran a complete marathon, forward and back. He released a shaky breath he didn't even know he's been holding for the past minute as his hands start clamming up; Jihoon's words ringing through his head. He watches Jihoon stare at his own fingers, playing at the hem of the oversized shirt the producer is wearing.

Guilt. Jihoon's mannerism screams guilt, and Soonyoung doesn't even know if he wants to know the reason why.

So to lighten up the mood, Soonyoung forces out a laugh. He hopes the other won't notice, but the wince Jihoon's body let out said otherwise, "Of course you do, Jihoonie!"

"No, not like that," the younger says through gritted teeth. Soonyoung wants to tell him to relax, but as soon as his mouth opened, he had a hard time churning out words, as if something was stuck in his throat.

"W-What do you mea–"

"I like loving you, but I don't." Jihoon cuts him off and looks up to stare directly at Soonyoung, eyes empty. If he noticed how broken the dancer looked, he didn't point it out. Soonyoung's thankful for that at the very least.

"I'm sorry, Soonyoung," he starts again when he realizes the elder has his mouth shut with no plans on talking back. "I like loving you, but I don't love you. I tried. I really did, but I just can't. I'm sorry."

Suddenly, Soonyoung doesn't feel like he ran a marathon anymore. He expected himself to at least tear up from the revelation, but he didn't. Years of pining and hoping for something he knew— _wished_ —he had a shot at was now considered dust. Loving Jihoon has been a big part of his life, of who he was as a person, he didn't even think about the instance of him being forced not to.

Soonyoung opened his eyes he never even noticed he closed to try and bark out a reply, but he sees Jihoon's back turned to him again; signalling that the conversation was over just like that, as if he didn't just break his best friend's heart into a million pieces. Immediately, Soonyoung felt sick.

He feels all of the air in his lungs escape his body in a rush, like the studio's sucking every single life out of him. And before he could even process it, his body automatically stands up and leads him to the door. His steps being the only thing he can hear while widening the distance between him and the man he (unfortunately) loves. As he opens the door, a small voice in his head whispered he should at least get one last look at Jihoon, but he shakes his head at the thought.

It would be like looking at the stars he'd been wanting to get ahold of whenever he laid down on the rooftop of their dorms when he was a trainee. Pointless.

So he steps out and quietly closes the door, wishing he could close the Jihoon-shaped hole in his heart too.

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanna congratulate you for finishing ... whatever this is.
> 
> if you felt like the ending was rushed, well you're right because it sorta is sjsdjsdkjsd my brain stopped working midway. hope you liked it! i would appreciate it a lot if you would leave a kudos/comment !!! :DD let's all cry about angsty!soonhoon


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